It’s been a few days now since they announced Robin Williams killed himself after decades of battling depression. Everyone seems to have something to say about it and it’s easy to tell the people who really get it from the ones that don’t. The ones the understand what depression is know Robin Williams did not kill himself because he was sad or because his show got cancelled. Robin Williams was depressed. Depressed is not sad even though it can make you feel sad. Depressed is not unhappy, though it’s hard to be happy when you are depressed. Depression is an utter loss of hope. Depression steals “maybe” and “tomorrow”.

Think back to the worst time of your life. Your bleakest times. Even in your darkest darkness did you ever doubt you had a future? Did you ever doubt that something awaited you? Most people always believe a tomorrow will come.

Depression says there is no tomorrow for you. Depression says you don’t deserve tomorrow. Depression says you have gone too far astray and your sins are too great for anything good to come. Depression says if you have children you will ruin them. If you get married it will fail. If you reach for even the smallest thing you want you will destroy it. Your words will always fall on deaf ears. You are the sum total of your mistakes, not your successes. The world knows something you don’t and you can’t learn it. All you can do is fake it and try to get though the day.

You have to remind yourself, every single day, that depression is a liar. Make a conscious effort everyday to stay alive and live in the world and maybe you can do just one good thing. Maybe just one good thing. Maybe just one thing that would let you deserve tomorrow. As long as you can just hang on to that “maybe” you can get though the day. Maybe you get another tomorrow.

Hold on your your hats, I just changed the camera angle in the kitchen. I know, it’s a bold move but I feel it’s an important one. Not to gross anyone out but we recently switched to a lightweight kitty litter. Since the cat-box is off the kitchen we have been getting HUGE dust storms on camera every night. I mean…huge. Even an orb lover like me knows this is not spirit activity. This is “contaminating my entire home with particles of gods know what”.

So, I moved the camera…and updated the camera firmware…and updated the other camera’s firmware…and updated Ispy…and spent the whole freaking night looking for the site I needed to make my stinky little animated gif. I persevered, for you, dear reader (yes, I’m sure it’s singular now). Hopefully there will be less dust videos to wade though and more compelling odd looking things moving around the kitchen videos for me to share.

Now I think it’s time for some sweet tea and Ghost Adventures. Who’s with me?

Just a quick post to let all of you (ok, both of you) know I am still alive. I have two or tree evps and one good video clip to put together from the investigation we did a couple of weeks ago. I’v also been on a bit of a decorating kick so I’ve spent more time on Pinterest than I have on learning to make better videos.

I had an epiphany recently. I’m not happy. My job is extremely stressful and I have been having a tough time there. Something that makes me happy is Halloween. Everything about it makes me happy. So, I decided my house would be, not necessarily full on Halloweenie all year long, but it will definitely feel dark and comfortable and creepy. I’ve been investing (by investing I mean using up my gift cards) in mirrors and odd things to creep up the place. I have enlisted my husbands help in doing some painting so hopefully these bright white walls will be a somber plum, forest or, at least, a deep camel soon.

I need atmosphere and ambiance and mood. I also need a new job. This one is killing me.

If only it was from a raucous weekend in Philly. No, it’s just the after effects of my root canal (part deux). I want to review evidence and make a video and find a cool way to show my EVP’s but I’m too cold and tired and sad and hungry.

Gods, what a whiner.

So, I may not be able to be too productive but I can make a list I have been meaning to make. These are little things I have to try to remember during investigations to make the hunky more dory.

1. Leave the jangly jewelry at home. This is tough for me as I tend to jangle even when sleeping. I’m a firm believer that surrounding yourself with talismans given to you in love and joyful times can help protect your spirit. (heh, listen to me with the serious talk). However, there is only so much tagging of the various clanks and clunks my Alex and Ani’s make before it becomes a nuisance. Once you have said “that’s my 14 lbs. of bracelets hitting the recorder” 3 or 4 times why even use any of the audio you capture?

2. Shut up. It’s one thing to be asking questions during an evp session. It’s another to be mumbling to your self while walking around the dark creepy basement. It does not contaminate my audio as much as it does my husband’s. If he’s doing an evp session I need to shut the hell up.

3. Look good. No, seriously, no one wants to find great video of a shadow person doing the macarena with a poodle on it’s head and not be able to post it because they look like Gary Busey wrapped in a burlap sack. If you don’t feel like you look good on camera you’ll be paranoid all night. Do your hair, put on a nice shirt that hides the Coolatta jiggles and wear pants. Please, for the love of god, wear pants.

4. Take periodic breaks to look out the windows and see if there may be people outside. I get so focused on what I’m doing I forget that people walking by, people in other houses, people sneaking about in the boxwood can all sound disembodied on a recorder or camera.

5. Wear responsible shoes. The other night I wore boots with hard heels. We were in a house so I really did not think twice about it until we played back the voice recorders. It sounds like an army of Jaffa careening about the house. If you don’t know what a Jaffa is, well, they are just about the loudest fictional soldiers in the history of anything. Imagine a guy in a suit of armor falling down the stairs while carrying a complete set of pots and pans and two cats. That’s how they sneak up on people. In other words, I was loud and could have drowned out the ghosties. I could have drowned out Al Sharpton.

No. Probably not, but I did want to log this. I got a Grumpy Cat stuffed animal for Christmas. At first the cats were leary of Miss Sauce but eventually they just began to ignore her. Occasionally one of them might lay next to her on the bench she sits on.

Today I came home to find her in the middle of the livingroom floor. Now, with two cats in the house it’s far more likely one of them just decided to play with Tartar Sauce. It’s just not something they’ve ever done before. She’s a big stuffed animal and larger than any of the toys they usually play with. The most they drag around the house is a squeaky mouse.

I think it’s important to log stuff like this so if any sort of activity does continue you can try to discern a pattern. Better to explain than to explain away. ( Trademarking that and putting it on a mug)

Maybe I need a Grumpy cam :)

Posted from my tablet

Nothing better than doing evidence review and finding out the mouse you thought has been gone for months is back or one of his little mousie cousins has moved in to replace him.

I do not believe in killing things whose only real crime is being in a place I don’t want them to be unless that place in in my ear or something. I believe I have the right to say “It is time for you to leave my home and make your way in this world. I have no control over whether you get eaten by an owl.” I do not feel I have the right to say “Here, eat this and die.”

I also tend to picture all woodland creatures as living Borrowers-style with thread spool stools and handkerchief blankets. They wear hats and have tea.

I find the two beasts in the house are not avid hunters. They appear to spend their time on the kitchen island staring at the spot under the stove where the mouse seems to like to hide. I have not seen any inclination to go Wild Kingdom and run the beast down. Damn unnatural if you ask me.

So, I find myself online looking at mouse-in-the-house remedies and the only things with good ratings are the kill methods. I have humane traps with peanut butter in them but they never seem to trap anything. Now I’m trying to weigh whether the quick kill trap is more humane than poison.

My karma’s dented enough without a dCON receipt stapled to it.

UPDATE: Well, we went with the traps and sure enough, Peepy-Face is no more. Well, some mouse is no more. We’ll have to see if he was alone or not. So sad :(